Hilarious Asian Jokes

Hey guys! Ok, so my [Asian] family came over today for lunch. We were all exchanging really stupid jokes together. Here are a few:

1. What do you call a whole bunch of Asian people rolling down a hill? EGGROLL!!!


2. How do you name your Asian child? Throw a whole bunch of pots and pans down the stairs, and whatever sound they make CHING TONG TING TANG CHAN, is their name!! (LOL)


3. Why are Asian people's eyes always upward the way they are? When they were young, every time they came home to sit down at the table for dinner, they'd look down at their plate and say (smashing their eyes upward with their hands) "Oh no! Rice again!"
4. You know how an Asian's eyes are always slanted, and everyone who doesn't have eyes like that make fun of them by pulling them up and saying, "Hey look, I'm Chinese! Uh-huh, huh, huh!" Well, me and my Asian friends all say, "Do the American!" We squish our eyes together to make them round like an American.

I know, it's hilariously horrible, but when you're Asian, you can do stuff like this.

Jai Jen!! <><><>Kristen

My Unofficial Time Magazine Article

Hi everyone!! I just wanted to show you this letter to my state legislator that I cried about, stomped around in frustration about, and worked really hard on! I don't think it is actually going to be viewed by her, but the state requires each school's students to write a 500+ word letter discussing the harmful effects of fluorocarbon propellants on the ozone layer. I cannot mention the state legislator's name in the beginning of the letter on my blog just for privacy reasons. I sound very official; kind of like I'm on the staff of the Time magazine. So here you go!

Date: April 15, 2010

Dear Mrs. ______,
I am writing this letter to inform you on the impacts fluorocarbon propellants have had on us. Examples of these may include aerosol cans, hairspray, spray paint, home cleaning supplies, et cetera. Environmentalists are always saying that spritz bottles are better for the air and are easier to use. That’s not always true. They are better for the environment, but even though it is so trivial, lots of times there are people who complain that they take forever to spray.
Aerosol packaging is chosen for convenience. They are safe, and child resistant. They are applied with little to no waste of critical ingredients. All you have to do to get the spray to come out is press a small knob on the top of the can. These small facts are all handy and convenient.
However, these propellants include harmful chemicals to the environment. Not only are herbicides and pesticides bad chemicals for nature, but also they and other aerosol-packaged products deplete the stratospheric ozone layer. As you may already know, the ozone layer protects us from the harmful UV rays, also known as ultraviolet rays the sun projects toward earth. The propellants contain chlorine, which then rises up into the ozone and kills it off by making holes. The chlorine does this without being killed itself. You see, the more we use these propellants, the bigger the hole in the ozone layer gets. Sometime in the future, there will probably be no more ozone to protect us from being burned and getting skin cancer.
There are many solutions to the ozone dilemma. Conversely, many of them have flaws. We could restrict the use of aerosol propellants, but that would shut down many companies that produce items such as pesticides, herbicides, hairspray, and many of the previously listed. There may be people who would lose their jobs from working in factories that manufacture these items, but that is a minor possibility. Stores and franchises that sell these products may not earn enough money, given that many people buy and use these frequently.
One question might be,” what do we do with the old products and cans?” On the positive note, we can reuse the aerosol cans as scrap metal to repair or add on to machines and gear that need it. If the can is aluminum, then they can easily be recycled. They would not explode just because they are pressurized. However, sometimes the cans still contain the harmful chemicals that may be brand-new or expired. They might not be made out of reusable material, so that they would go in the dump. This brings me back to the whole ozone layer debacle: even if we reuse them, we are still harming the atmosphere.
Environmentalists may suggest that we ban the use of fluorocarbon propellants, and make new products that are, of course, environmentally friendly. The ozone problem would be temporarily solved. Many people who like to think ahead always imagine the worst, though. “What if the so-called environmentally friendly products contained a new chemical that harmed the atmosphere, yet again?” That will just have to wait until the future comes. I hope you consider these thoughts and ideas, and thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

Sincerely,
Kristen ____

Wakey, Wakey, Eggs-N'-Bakey!

Top 5 Reasons to Wear Night Vision Goggles at 5:30 am Before School:

1. your shin is a device for finding furniture in the dark.


2. you could trip, fall down the steps, and make a really loud thud that wakes everyone up and earns you a few bruises here and there.


3. the street lamp blinds you when you walk in front of a gigantic window (if you have one, which in my case, I do).


4. you could tread on the cat's tail and get a "HESSZZZSHH!!!" from her.


5. you could simply just walk straight into a wall.

I am prone to all of the above (except #2) in the week day mornings.

My WeeMee

Hey guys!! This is my WeeMee. Just go to www.weeworld.com to create an avatar like this. I sound like an advertisement. . . .
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About Me and My Books

Mood: relaxed

Song: "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train

Time: late afternoon

This is my first time EVER blogging. I keep a private journal at home, but that's not the same as this. There's nothing really to say, except that I am completely engrossed in 3 books I am currently reading. Those of you who appreciate books and adventure combined, prepare to be amazed!

"Peak," by Roland Smith, is about this boy who is caught tagging New York City skyscrapers. He has a choice: be the youngest ever to climb Mt. Everest, or go to JDC for 3 years. Sounds awesome, right? The next book I'm reading is "The Season," by Sarah MacLean. Alex, the main character, is caught up in the swirls of the London season and a mystery. It is similar to the books of Jane Austen. Finally, the last book I am reading (more like getting to) is "Fang," the latest Maximum Ride novel. His little sister/flock member foresees him dying. I said "flock" because he has wings, and so do the rest of the kids who stick with him.

Thanks for taking the time to read about my literary life! I am SUCH a literature freak. . . .

<><><>Kristen